Six Months... Already?

Maddox would have been six months old today. Perhaps the most surprising feeling I've had today is that, as terribly awful as this has been so far, it's okay that he's not with us.

As much as Andrew and I want our baby boy with us, we trust in God's plan and His sovereignty. We believe that good has come from our loss, that good will continue to come from it as we share our story with others, and that it is but a small piece of God's universe-sized puzzle. Our time on earth is limited,  and the joys and greatness of eternity in heaven will effortlessly wipe away the pain we've had to endure during this life.

God has provided for us every step of the way, from the moment we realized we would never again hear Maddox's heartbeat on this side of heaven to this moment tonight, where Andrew, our doggies and I are relaxing together in the living room after a walk to Rita's Italian Ice for some custard in a waffle cone. It's hard to imagine what we would be doing to celebrate Maddox's six-month "birthday", but this is our new normal. This is life for us at this point, enjoying each other's company, remembering our baby boy and looking forward to seeing him again in heaven.

Last week, Andrew and I drove home to North Carolina to see my youngest brother, JT, graduate from high school (with honors!). We had a wonderful visit, which included the highlight of having Maddox's headstone installed. It was installed on Thursday, June 7th. Andrew and I designed it together, and it was our goal (okay, it was my goal) to have it completed before our wedding anniversary. Mission accomplished: We're celebrating four years this coming Tuesday. We're probably a bit biased, but we think Maddox's headstone is absolutely perfect!

Maddox's photo and his actual hand and footprints
are etched into his stone!

The inscription says:

Maddox Wilhelm Prime
Schulze

Our Little MVP

Born into heaven
December 13, 2011

Precious "sonshine" of
Andrew Wilhelm and
Amanda Brooke Lowe Schulze

We love you very much, and we'll see you soon.

The back says:


"And Job said,'Naked I came frommy mother's womb,and naked I shall return.The Lord gave, andthe Lord has taken away;blessed be thename of the Lord.'"Job 1:21

I'm one proud mama!

We left him some flowers before heading
back to Delaware Sunday morning.

I feel at peace knowing that Maddox's stone is in place. I anticipated feeling upset knowing that I no longer have any way to take care of him. In reality, as I shared with Meghan today, I feel accomplished and satisfied knowing that at every step of the way, from the moment I found out I was pregnant until the installation of his headstone, I cared for Maddox and gave him the very best I could. I love him with my whole heart and more, and I can't wait to see him again real soon.

P.S. I will be out of the country (in AFRICA!) for business from June 18th through July 3rd. Please don't worry or be surprised if you don't see any updates from me until I return. Prayers for Andrew and me during our time apart would be greatly appreciated; it will be our first time apart since we lost Maddox.