Sunday, December 30, 2012

First Birthday & A New Year

Dear Maddox,

Even though you couldn't be with us, we still celebrated you on what would have been your first birthday on the 13th. Nanny, Pop-pop and Uncle JT sent you light blue balloon and a homemade birthday card that had Batman stickers all over its envelope! Aunt Meghan and Uncle Sam sent you a card all the way from their new home in Alaska! They couldn't have picked a cooler card for you - it has Batman, Superman, Flash and Green Lantern on it! Here's the front of your card:

Birthday Card from Aunt & Uncle Curtis

On your birthday, Nanny, Pop-pop, Glammy and Uncle JT went to visit you in Gold Hill. They brought you your own birthday cake and balloon to celebrate! They even brought you a Santa Claus, Christmas tree and sock monkey, and Glammy brought a picture of you and her together on the morning you were born.

Happy 1st Birthday, Maddox!
 

Mommy and Daddy wanted to visit you in Gold Hill on your birthday too, but we're still living in Delaware. It was hard not being able to be close to you on your special day. We did our best to celebrate and remember you here. We took off work so we could be together. We slept in and when we woke up, the first thing I did was cry for you while Daddy held me close. He's such a good daddy, Maddox. He loves you and me very much. To make the day special, we booked a couples massage and went to dinner at The Melting Pot. It wasn't the typical party for a 1-year-old, but sharing the day together on your special day meant a lot to both of us. You give us so much to celebrate!

For your birthday, Aunt Meghan sent me a very special gift. As soon as I opened it, I knew it was perfect. All year she had been writing to you... just like Mommy! She put her letters to you (and some to me) in a beautiful photo book using photos she'd taken in Gold Hill. 


Aunt Meghan's Dear Maddox book is amazing. It is filled with so many personal touches and so much heart - I can't begin to describe how lovely it is. I read it cover to cover the moment I got it, and I cried for you. I sobbed for you (poor Scooter and Thermometer didn't know what was wrong!). And I thanked God for you and the unbelievable friend I have in Meghan.

As soon as we lost you, Meghan told me she would carry this burden with me, that I would never be alone. She told me, in the words of Martina McBride, she was gonna love me through it. She sure has. I can't even write any of this without crying. From the minute I called her with the news that you had gone on to heaven to this minute now, Meghan has carried the grief of losing you with me, and I have never felt alone, not for one second.

I've got pause right here to tell you baby, you are so loved. Not just by your Momma and Daddy, but by your Aunt Meghan and Uncle Sam, your Nanny and Pop-pop, Glammy, Opa, all of your aunts and uncles and the friends you still have here. You are loved!

The week after your birthday, while we were home for Christmas, we got to go visit you in Gold Hill. Your Great-Momaw Girley, Great-Popaw Lindsey and Great-Aunt Stacey came, too! It was a wonderful visit, and I'm so glad we all got to go see you together.

Great-Popaw Lindsey & Great-Momaw Girley
They brought you a pretty Christmas tree!

Daddy, Mommy, Great-Momaw Girley, Great-Popaw Lindsey,
Great-Aunt Stacey, Wade & Pop-pop (Nanny was taking the
picture!) came for a big visit the week of Christmas!

And here we are, winding down 2012...

I remember so clearly December 14, 2011, the morning I woke up and realized it was no longer your birth day. Then came January 1, 2012, and it was no longer your birth year. As December 2012 comes to an end, all of what would have been your firsts have passed, and soon it won't be last December that we lost you, but the December before last. And the time will continue to pass by as it has since the beginning of time, before you or Mommy or Daddy were ever born, although God had written all of our days in His book by then.

Some days drag on while we wait to meet up with you in heaven. Other days fly by. King David says in Psalm 144:4 that, "Man is like a breath; his days are like a passing shadow." When I think of our time on earth being like a breath or a passing shadow, that quick, I wonder if you wonder what all our fuss is about down here. For all I know, for you the time we've spent apart so far has passed as quickly as a few seconds, less time than it's taken me to form this sentence and type it out. Even a few seconds seems too long a time for us to be separated.

Mommy and Daddy miss you so much, Mad. We talk about you every day. It's still so strange to us that you're not growing up with us. We're hopeful that one day soon, maybe in 2013, your baby brother or sister will join us. Even though no one will replace you - ever - we look forward to seeing bits of what you would be like in him or her. We know you'll be a great big brother!

I love you, Maddox!

Mommy

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