It's a...

One year ago today was one of the happiest days of our lives. Andrew and I hosted a gender reveal party at our then-home to share the excitement of finding out our baby's gender with our closest family and friends. There was such joyful anticipation on that day, and then the moment came to open the envelope and find out whether our baby was Brooklyn Kelly or Maddox Wilhelm Prime. 

I love Andrew's reaction so much. I'm sure at that moment he was the proudest daddy on the face of the planet! Thank you to my sister-in-law, Tabitha, for catching this on video. I'm so happy that this is a moment we can live over and over again.

I miss Maddox today and every day. The tears are welling up in my eyes as I write this. Whoever came up with saying "Out of sight, out of mind" obviously never lost a child. My boy is on my mind all the time.

I will say though, that my days have gotten better since Maddox's headstone was installed last month. We have done everything possible to take care of our little man, and having his beautiful stone set in place brought me a great sense of closure. I still get sad and depressed, I still cry for him, I still selfishly want him on earth with me instead of in heaven with God. But I do feel that "peace that passes all understanding" (Philippians 4:7). Let's be real, who in their right mind would hear a mother whose baby has died tell you that she's okay without thinking she's heartless or insane? But I am okay, and I'm not heartless or insane. I have put my faith in the Lord, and "I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content" (verse 11) because "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" (verse 13).

God is with me. He is faithful. I trust in Him.  ♥