Nine Months

Dear Maddox,

Here we are, baby, nine months later. I can't believe you've been gone now for as long as you were with us. Mommy and Daddy miss you so much, more than words can say. We talk about you every day. Daddy is convinced that you would have gone pro in soccer and tennis by now and that you would soon be joining a ninja monastery. Sometimes I tell him that God called you home early to spare you from Daddy's teasing. He knows I'm kidding. Your daddy is a lot of fun and you two would be the best of friends. He loves you very much and is so proud of you. He has done a great job taking care of me since we lost you, too. I can't imagine doing this without him.

Mommy has been very depressed the past couple of months. I started seeing a new counselor, Pam, two weeks ago, and she is already helping me. It makes me happy to share you with someone new. I love every chance I get to talk about you, to speak your name out loud to someone other than Daddy or your sweet Aunt Meghan. Pam reminded me this week that my faith in God will continue to sustain me through losing you. I know it's true, but just like saying your name out loud, it's nice to hear God's truth from someone's mouth other than my own. I know He is taking the very best care of you, and I thank Him for the love He's shown our family. Maddox, as much as Daddy and I love you, God loves you more. My love for you is so big that it's hard to imagine a greater one, but I know God's is bigger.

Little Man, I sure miss you. I wish I could scoop you up and snuggle your sweet face next to mine this very minute. I wish I could hear your laughing and babbling and pitter-pattering. Daddy and I can't wait to see you again. There isn't a second that goes by that you're not on our minds and not a single day we don't pray for you and thank God for you. I stand by the words I said to Daddy while holding your little body in the hours after your birth, I would do it all over again even if the outcome was the same. You are a precious gift to me, Maddox, and to Daddy.

We love you, and we'll see you soon.

Love,
Mommy