Father,
Please be with me today. It was one year ago that I got pregnant. I pray that you will help me see this day as the anniversary of a wonderful blessing and not be sad that Maddox is home with you. You are sovereign, I trust in you. Help me be strong.
Thank you for the psalms. I read 143 this morning. The psalms remind me that I am human and suffer human emotions. While I should continuously strive to do better, you understand my heart and do not hold my brokenness against me. How great you are, Lord! You do so much for me and though this trial is hard, you bless me beyond all measure.
Keep my sight and thoughts on you as I go through this day. You know what this day holds. Please be with me as I face it and make me an example of Your love and faithfulness to others.
I love you, Lord.
Amen
Shared from my prayer journal
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
Monday, March 26, 2012
Prayer Journal - 8
Father,
Thank you for the discipline to get out of bed to spend some time in devotion with you. Please make this a hunger and thirst for my soul each morning, one that must be quenched at the start of each of my days.
Please teach me how to pray Your prayers instead of my own, prayers for eternal things, to lead a righteous life and glorify you. I want an actual relationship with you, I want to grow. Please help me in my weaknesses. Help me to focus on all things good, pure, honest and holy. Please pick me up when I'm falling, help me to appreciate this life before eternal life and please help me to believe.
Keep my thoughts on things that are good. Keep me in prayer with you. Help me to be steadfast. Make me a good wife to Andrew an a good mom for Maddox. Above all, make me Your servant. Help me through every moment of this and every day. You will never leave me.
Amen
Shared from my prayer journal
Thank you for the discipline to get out of bed to spend some time in devotion with you. Please make this a hunger and thirst for my soul each morning, one that must be quenched at the start of each of my days.
Please teach me how to pray Your prayers instead of my own, prayers for eternal things, to lead a righteous life and glorify you. I want an actual relationship with you, I want to grow. Please help me in my weaknesses. Help me to focus on all things good, pure, honest and holy. Please pick me up when I'm falling, help me to appreciate this life before eternal life and please help me to believe.
Keep my thoughts on things that are good. Keep me in prayer with you. Help me to be steadfast. Make me a good wife to Andrew an a good mom for Maddox. Above all, make me Your servant. Help me through every moment of this and every day. You will never leave me.
Amen
Shared from my prayer journal
Sunday, March 25, 2012
Prayer Journal - 7
Father,
I feel so broken. I can't fight it. I can't get through it. I can't handle the ups and downs. Really - I feel like shit. It's probably not appropriate for me to cuss in a prayer, but you know I'm thinking it already anyway.
I want this to be over. I want to go home to heaven. I don't have the energy to keep this up. I want you to bring me home. Please. This life seems so pointless. Full of heartache and pain and trouble.
I know I should have hope in you and desire to fulfill Your purpose for my life. How am I supposed to get back to that? I am selfish. I am lazy. I am pathetic. I know I shouldn't talk this way to myself. I believe this is Satan's hand in my life. But he is strong and I am weak.
I know you are stronger. Please fight this for me. I can't do it. I can't.
Shared from my prayer journal
I feel so broken. I can't fight it. I can't get through it. I can't handle the ups and downs. Really - I feel like shit. It's probably not appropriate for me to cuss in a prayer, but you know I'm thinking it already anyway.
I want this to be over. I want to go home to heaven. I don't have the energy to keep this up. I want you to bring me home. Please. This life seems so pointless. Full of heartache and pain and trouble.
I know I should have hope in you and desire to fulfill Your purpose for my life. How am I supposed to get back to that? I am selfish. I am lazy. I am pathetic. I know I shouldn't talk this way to myself. I believe this is Satan's hand in my life. But he is strong and I am weak.
I know you are stronger. Please fight this for me. I can't do it. I can't.
Shared from my prayer journal
Monday, March 12, 2012
Maddox Journal - 2.6
Maddox would be turning three months old tomorrow if he was still with us. Like Andrew said tonight, it feels like yesterday and 20 years ago at the same time. It seems completely unreal as I write this. Our baby boy is in heaven. We have a son who is being cared for by our Heavenly Father at this very moment. And our Lord hasn't left us for one minute.
It is not easy - grief is a malicious roller coaster, it twists and turns when you least expect it. It doesn't seem fair, but I trust that God is making me into who I was meant to be.
I think about Maddox a lot and it comforts me to wonder about what he's doing in heaven. I know what his earthly body was like. I look at his adorable face every day. But what does he look like now? It doesn't make sense to me that he'd still be a helpless little baby - maybe a boy or even a young man or adult? I can't wait to see him again!
Shared from the Maddox journal I started while I was pregnant
It is not easy - grief is a malicious roller coaster, it twists and turns when you least expect it. It doesn't seem fair, but I trust that God is making me into who I was meant to be.
I think about Maddox a lot and it comforts me to wonder about what he's doing in heaven. I know what his earthly body was like. I look at his adorable face every day. But what does he look like now? It doesn't make sense to me that he'd still be a helpless little baby - maybe a boy or even a young man or adult? I can't wait to see him again!
Shared from the Maddox journal I started while I was pregnant
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