We buried our sweet little boy in the Historic Gold Hill Cemetery on December 19th, the day he was due. The ceremony, memorial service was beautiful. My incredible husband spoke and I have never felt so proud of him or honored to be his wife. This is the most difficult thing I have ever had to face and I don't know how I would be able to weather the this storm without his love and support.
God is faithful and I trust in Him. I believe He had a reason to keep our precious Maddox with Him - he must be one very special little boy.
It is hard not to ask the questions "why?" or "what if?" It is selfish of me, because Maddox is so much better off in heaven than he would be here, but I miss my little boy so badly. It hurts. I can physically feel the pain of missing him. I have never felt such a let down, such disappointment in going from the happiest months of my life, anticipating the arrival of our firstborn son just to have our dreams snatched without warning.
We should be adjusting to sleep deprivation as we bond with our baby and get ready for his first Christmas. Instead we are heartbroken.
Shared from the Maddox journal I started while I was pregnant
Pastor Matt preached one Sunday at Journey that we should never ask God why, but what..."What can I do to glorify your name Father?" Your journal and the strength of your faith does just that. It is beautiful seeing how strong your love for our Father is, even in times like this. <3 you!!
ReplyDeleteThank you, Shannon. I have been seeking His will and trying to glorify Him through this experience from the beginning. He has been with me each step of the way, and He is faithful to provide for our every need!
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