Our Birth Story

I have been awake for over an hour. Sleep has never been a problem for me, but I don’t seem to want much of it even though I know I need to rest. I woke up and had to think about what day it is. It is Thursday. Three days ago we learned that Maddox had gone to heaven to be with his Heavenly Father but that we would be blessed with the opportunity to meet, hold and love on him before we had to say goodbye. This is our precious, perfect piece of “sonshine” Maddox Wilhelm Prime Schulze. He seems like a dream to me as I write this, but I know he is real. I have a beautiful son, I just get to have him when I get to heaven instead of now.



Maddox Wilhelm Prime Schulze
Stillborn December 13 at 4:01 am
5 pounds, 6 ounces and 19½ inches long
After my second cervical check and dose of cytotec (I looked it up) to get labor moving along, my water broke on its own. I remember texting my mom, Meghan and Meridith to share the happy news at 10:34 pm. It happened just as Andrew and I were getting into bed to get some rest before active labor began and meant there would be no hope for sleep until we got to meet our son.

In the beginning, I labored lying down on my left side and Andrew helped me through my contractions with the double hip squeeze technique we learned in our Bradley class. He was so strong and helpful and did and said exactly what I needed him to every step of the way. When that position wasn’t comfortable anymore, I labored squatting on the birth ball and leaning into a stack of pillows piled up over the bed. That was my least favorite of all the positions, but our midwives (Lisa, Marcia and Jordan) coached me through several contractions on the ball because the new position was helping my labor to progress. The next position was my favorite, laboring in the perfectly warm water of the birth tub. After we were home, Andrew laughed and shared how happy the water made me. It was very helpful for the pain I was going through. At one point I told Andrew he should get in because he was really missing out on how awesome it was. I said we needed a birth tub in our living room. Ha, ha!

I started feeling pressure like I needed to use the bathroom, so I asked Andrew to help me go try. He got me through several contractions on his own as I sat on the toilet and our midwives waited outside the bathroom. My labor was getting increasingly difficult by then and I had to stop to get through a few on our way back to our birth room. I felt so tired when we got back to the room; I basically fell onto the bed. That’s when Marcia sat down with me and explained I was 2.5 cm dilated and reminded me that I didn’t have to continue through the pain without help, I could be transferred to the hospital if I felt like it was too much. Without realizing it, I had given her a look while I was in the birth tub that she and the other midwives recognized, and Andrew was suffering a lot as he felt helpless watching me struggle with so much pain.

I didn’t feel at all defeated or letdown. I knew I needed help. I probably would not have asked for it if Marcia didn’t offer it again, but I definitely needed it. I agreed to go to the hospital and everyone was in immediate action to get me there. Andrew and our midwives helped me get dressed and our families started our car and packed up all of our things for the hospital. I think it was a little after 2 am as Andrew followed one of the midwives and drove me to the hospital.

The OB, Dr. Roque, had called ahead to let the hospital, Davis Regional Medical Center, know that we were coming, but we dealt with some resistance from a woman at the emergency room desk and a grouchy lady in the financial department. Thankfully, Andrew was able to take care of what they needed from me and Marcia wheeled me right up to our room. I was in terrible pain and I know it wasn’t, but it felt like ages before I was able to get my epidural. They had to run a bag of fluids through my IV before they could give me the epidural and I guess that’s what took so long.

I was in intense labor by the time the anesthesiologist came to help me. Marcia and Andrew helped me turn over and coached me through arching my back for the doctor while he tried to ask me questions and read disclaimers about the epidural to me before he could give it to me. By this point, we were all very aware that I am a moaning laborer and moaning through my contractions helped me a lot. My labor was so intense and my moaning was so loud that I couldn’t hear the guy asking me the questions and I eventually yelled (not in a mean way, I was just loud) that I couldn’t hear him. Looking back it was pretty funny. “I can’t hear you!” “The sooner you answer these questions the sooner I can get you relief.” “But what did you say?!” Ha, ha!

I was surprised that it took a few minutes (my sense of time through all of this is greatly flawed) for the epidural to kick in, but boy was I a happy, happy girl when it did! I think it may have been a little after 3:30 am by the time I was feeling good again and ready to see my family. They came in to visit for a minute, but then it was time for me to get some rest. Marcia (or maybe it was Dr. Roque?) checked my cervix again and I had progressed to 7.5 cm dilated and I think Maddox was at stage +2. I kept telling our midwives that it felt like I needed to use the bathroom and they told me I was fine but needed to let them know if it felt like there was a lot of pressure and things were just going to start coming out on their own.

I tried to close my eyes and get some rest. Andrew and I were both so heartbroken and trying to get through labor and delivery to meet our little boy. We were exhausted. Andrew handled and has been handling everything so well. He has been a real superhero to me and given me everything I have needed, every single thing. It has been incredible to see the support we have given each other and how this devastation in our lives has brought us so much closer already. But at this point, there was no use in trying to sleep. I felt like I needed to use the bathroom and I asked Andrew to call the midwives back in. Sure enough, I was fully dilated and it was time to push!

I don’t know the exact time pushing started, but I think it was about 10 minutes to 4:00 am. I asked my midwife Lisa later and she said I delivered Maddox in only three contractions – she and everyone else said they were amazed at my pushing for being a first time mom. I credit my incredible coaches. They were so encouraging and supportive and I am so thankful to have had them with me. It didn’t happen how I thought would, but my labor and delivery experience was perfect for me. I am so proud of myself and feel so thankful to my midwives, Dr. Roque and the hospital staff.

Maddox was born at 4:01 am. And he was perfect. Dr. Roque placed him on my abdomen while I delivered his placenta and Andrew cut the umbilical cord. We spent the next four hours introducing our precious angel to his loving, heartbroken grandparents and aunts, giving everyone time to love on him before they respected the privacy of our little family and left us alone to spend what I truly believe are the greatest, proudest moments of my life with the beautiful boy we have loved, cared for and anxiously waited to meet since learning in April that he would be joining our family.

Andrew and I held our little boy. We kissed him, talked to him, rocked him and prayed over him. We asked God for His help through this and thanked Him for the time we got to have with Maddox. We have seen God's presence in this and trust in His faithfulness to see us through the difficult days, weeks and years ahead. I don't believe we will ever be finished grieving the loss of our little boy on earth. We will always love, miss and remember him. We are still his mommy and daddy and there is no way nine months could ever seem like enough time to have him with us, but I would do it all over again even if I knew this is what we had to face. Every moment we had with him was cherished and being able to hold him when he was born was a true blessing.

Someone shared with my dad that "not everyone gets a baby in heaven". I would love to have my baby here with me now, but I look forward to heaven even more now and I can't wait to see him again.