I have struggled all week to get out of bed to start getting ready for work at a decent hour. I would have called this laziness, but Gretchen says it's a lack of motivation, to be expected, normal. I suppose it's another case of me being too hard on myself.
At GriefShare last night, I mentioned this morning problem and Lannie (our group leader) said he gets up at 6:00 every morning to have time for prayer and to walk. I have sorely missed my devotional time and neglected the therapeutic benefits of journaling. I am not sure how I will do moving forward, but I got out of bed at 6:05 this morning; got my GriefShare books, made a cup of coffee and here I am. Looking forward to doing something positive first thing in the morning made getting out of bed that much easier.
I had a crazy dream last night, not an unusual thing for me. I was at a gym or dance studio and I needed to put something in my car. When I went outside there was a man who said he was just waiting on his girlfriend; somehow I knew he was from North Carolina. But as I walked to my car he came up behind me, covered my mouth with a cloth that made me pass out and kidnapped me.
When I woke up (still in my dream here), I was at a woman's house and she and her husband were going to keep me there so I could have a baby for them. Instead of being scared, I told her I loved being pregnant and would agree to help them have a baby, but I tried to convince her about me living my normal life and giving them the baby after it was born. Apparently she couldn't have children but they started telling people she was pregnant and had even had a baby shower. Now she had to come up with a baby.
Of course, this dream was very similar to the episode of Law and Order: SVU that I watched last weekend. That and too many episodes of Dance Moms is a bad idea.
It feels good to have started my day out with this little routine. I am going to sit on the couch and finish my coffee before I get ready to go to work.
Shared from my grief journal
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