Maddox would have been one month old today. This month without him with us has been the most exhausting of my life. It has been a roller coaster of emotion. Christmas and New Year's were difficult, but this past week has been terrible. I have been at my lowest of lows, begging God to take me home so I can be through this pain and with my son.
I look at the picture of my night stand of Maddox's precious face, his sweet lips, round cheeks. I wonder what the sound of his cry would have been like, how I would have enjoyed nursing him, what it would have been like to dress him or get him ready for outings. Every thought I have to dwell on is hypothetical - other than his kicks and hiccups, the ultrasounds and listening to his heartbeat, there are no real memories of things he did. This grief is an ugly journey. I am trying to remain faithful and to seek God's will and lessons through this trial.
We moved to Delaware today. I wish our little boy was with us. I think he would like it here.
Shared from the Maddox journal I started while I was pregnant
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