Acknowledge His Control

I went to a counselor Monday night. She suggested I see a doctor who could prescribe some antidepressants. After much effort, I got into a doctor's office on Tuesday. I was prescribed a generic of Zoloft, 25 mg for seven days and then a 30-day supply of 50 mg. I have to go back soon to have some blood work done because they also changed my blood pressure medicine back to what I was on before I got pregnant with Maddox.

Andrew and I went to GriefShare last night at the church we've been visiting. It was helpful, gave Andrew a chance to open up some and introduced us to some new people. It's a 13-week program that runs continuously; I'll be going all the way through (I think we were in week eight yesterday). We felt very welcome and everyone was super nice.

I talked to Hospice of Delaware today and I'll be connected with a counselor (free!) next week. Like Leigh Anne in Statesville, Leslie at Hospice here recommended that I attend some Compassionate Friends meetings since it's specifically for parents who have lost children. Conveniently, the meetings for our chapter of CF also meets at our church, every 2nd and 4th Tuesday.

Andrew and I had a night out tonight. We went to Glenn Mills (PA) for dinner at PF Chang's and ended up eating at a cute 40s/50s style diner called Ruby's instead. We stopped in at the Fresh Market and discovered we can get Cheerwine there! (For those of you who are not from the south, Cheerwine is a cherry-flavored soda that was "born" in Salisbury, where we just moved from.) I went into the Fresh Market specifically for some rotissorie style chicken salad and croissants, but they were out of both. Boo! Andrew got a napoleon and we picked up some fresh strawberries, so it wasn't a total bust. We had a great evening out...felt almost like "normal."

Lauren at GriefShare said something last night that really stuck with me. She said (to another woman, Allison, who lost her husband), "You have to get to the point where you acknowledge that God is either in control or He's not." So true. I believe that God is in control and I trust in His faithfulness. It is not easy, but like the GriefShare video said too, what has happened with our precious Maddox and our grief for him is helping Andrew and I to become more like Christ, more like the people God designed us to be. It's not easy, but it's real.