This ache in my heart is almost unbearable sometimes. I hurt so much with the absence of our little boy from our daily lives here on earth. I cry and cry and I know that no amount of tears will bring him back, but I want him here so badly. Losing Maddox and this separation from him is the hardest thing I have ever gone through. I don't know how I will make it.
How do people survive things like this, losing a child you wanted, the child you cared for and knew, the child that grew inside of you, that had developed a personality, that already had you wrapped around his finger? Maddox is my baby, my little man, my son. There was so much to look forward to.
It was scary to face the challenge of parenthood, but we were ready, excited and willing to do anything to bring up our little boy in a loving, God-fearing home. It feels like we've been robbed. We were just days from meeting our sonshine but he was taken from us. God is in control, I know, but why? Why did He take our boy? I have wanted him since the day I was born. Why couldn't I keep him?
My heart is so broken.
Shared from the Maddox journal I started while I was pregnant
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